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PRETTY MAD SHEILAS
I’m a grumpy bitch in the week or so preceding my period, and can often turn into a demented hag during or afterwards too, as my girlfriend found out on Easter Saturday when, consumed by a wave of hysteria, I was determined to rush out and buy a new LCD TV without having put any money aside for it, nor having done any research into what to look for.
Trying to reason with someone under the control of dodgy hormones is never a smart move and no amount of logic or technical questions on my girlfriend’s part along the lines of ‘What about vertical and horizontal blur?’ would deter me as I rushed around the house screaming that I had to buy the TV today because the shops were having sales and it would be stupid to wait and how could she possibly not see that?
In the end the heat got the better of me and I collapsed into an armchair and took slow, deep breaths while listening to meditation music featuring the sounds of whales (happy whales, not the poor creatures chased by those Japanese bastards) before eventually driving to Kmart to buy a new blender to replace the one I dropped on my foot and broke the day before while in the grip of some nasty uterine contractions.
‘Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman’, Tammy Wynette used to warble. Damn right, girlfriend – and especially if you’re an Aussie, it seems. The Australian reported last week that research presented at an international mental health conference in Melbourne showed Australian women suffer significantly higher rates of severe and debilitating PMS than those in Europe and Latin America.
The global survey of 4000 women revealed that 3 per cent of women across all countries suffered the most severe type of PMS, called premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), but the rate was significantly higher in Australia at 9 per cent.
It’s not that I dispute the findings – after my outburst on Saturday afternoon, I took great delight that night in watching Jodie Foster go on a killing spree in The Brave One, which led my girlfriend to conclude that if it were legal to possess handguns here, she would be pushing up daisies by now – but I can’t help taking issue with the fact that this research was funded by a pharmaceutical company that is soon to launch a new contraceptive pill in Australia that is claimed to help alleviate PMDD.
Call me sceptical but isn’t it just a teensy bit convenient that the ‘research’ happens to show Australian women to be in most need of this new wonder drug?
I’m not saying pills can’t be helpful for some women, but PMS (Pretty Mad Sheila?) is caused or aggravated by many things, including chemicals and hormones in our water supply, long working hours and high stress levels, and there are many ways to alleviate it. Like whale CDs. Or Jodie Foster. Or a nice new telly.
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