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Tassie's own Hannah Gadsby and the irrepressible Yana Alana go head to head armed with just 20 questions and their wits.
 YANA ALANA
Hannah: What is your favourite Arnott’s Family Assorted Cream biscuit?
Yana: Monte Carlo. I like those pink bits.
Hannah: How do you prepare yourself for a performance?
Yana: I say out loud, ‘I'm fabulous, I’m brilliant, I’m the best, there is no other, there can be no other, there will never be another.’ Then I have some chocolate and weep inconsolably about my lost childhood.
Hannah: If you don't perform regularly do you get needy?
Yana: How dare you insinuate that when people applaud wildly I glimpse just briefly what love must feel like. The answer to the question is NO!
Hannah: What do you miss most about your childhood?
Yana: Nothing, my childhood was fraught with pain.
Hannah: Do you find anger a guilty pleasure?
Yana: I don't find anger, anger finds me.
Hannah: Do you have any scars?
Yana: Is a belly button a scar?
Hannah: What is your favourite word to say?
Yana: I, followed by ME, then, MYSELF.
Hannah: Who would you never perform for?
Yana: I don't discriminate. But probably Daryl Somers.
Hannah: What part of your body would you be prepared to live without?
Yana: My heart.
Hannah: Do you have a muse?
Yana: I don't have anyone, Hannah, I am alone in this world with my brilliance!
Quick Quiz
Oblong or rectangle? Long-tangle.
Children or Nanas? Never Children.
Quiche or Lorraine? Lorraine eating quiche.
Stone fruit or melons? Breasts.
Film or book? Who's paying?
Roly Poly or Ring-a-Rosie? Roly Bi-Poly.
Garden or view? Something with a view is sure to be high enough to attempt to jump in front of a crowd.
Hate or indifference? Depends if I’m bleeding.
Morning or night? What are we stealing?
Is it me or you? Depends on who else is invited back to the hotel.
 HANNAH GADSBY
Yana: Who do you think you are?
Hannah: I am the comic relief character in the romantic comedy of life. The one who’ll die for the pathos – because you can’t kill off one of the leads.
Yana: If I could put you in a box, whose would it be?
Hannah: Something/someone solid.
Yana: When you have a failed season, who do you blame?
Hannah: I blame the mold that I don’t fit.
Yana: Did growing up on the vagina of the world shape you into a lesbian?
Hannah: Tasmania tried its darndest to suppress the lesbian. What shaped me was an adolescence playing golf.
Yana: If you grew a penis, would you be funnier?
Hannah: I certainly noticed a distinct improvement in my ability to generate mirth when I sprouted a penis. It’s a shame that due to current water restrictions I have had to let it go with the lawn.
Yana: Your sense of humour is dry, do you use lubricant before you go on stage?
Hannah: Yes. I’m afraid I need to lube up. If I didn’t, then I’m afraid I would find it difficult to move at all.
Yana: Do you think you are popular because of your talent or good looks?
Hannah: Talent. If I had good looks then I'd be super much more popular.
Yana: Why would people go to your show and not mine?
Hannah: Accidents happen.
Yana: If you were left on a dessert island, what three things would you eat?
Hannah: Probably the dessert the island was made of. Vegemite toast and hopefully there would be a lovely young maiden to munch on. Wouldn’t have to be that young, either.
Yana: Is there a reason you didn’t meet me in my hotel room after I requested you to be there when we were performing in Adelaide for the Feast Festival?
Hannah: You make me nervous. I spent the night practicing. And then collapsed in a heap of nervous exhaustion. Maybe you come to mine next time?
Quick Quiz
Cup of tea or glass of wine? Tea. Lady Grey. Splash of milk and a Melting Moment.
Romance or tragedy? Tragedy. I need closure.
Dentist or Daryl Somers? Dentist. Unless I got that hilarious puppet thing Dickie Knee with my Daryl Somers. Comedy genius.
Stimulus package or a night to yourself? Package.
Magic Happens or Get fucked? Get fucked. And that dancing goddess can get fucked too.
Exercise or Ten Lashes? Ten lashes.
Doing your tax or public nudity? Public nudity.
Meditate or hot chips on white bread with butter and tomato sauce? Meditate (also known as sleeping).
Give up or walk into the next clothing shop? Give up before the first clothing shop.
Nervous Breakdown or Nervous breakdance? Breakdown. I need drama.
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